Melancholy: described in the Canadian Oxford Dictionary as a pensive sadness, sad or gloomy.
The past few days I’ve felt melancholy, in a funk. I continued to do all those things that one feels
they must do each day just to survive. I put a smile on my face when I needed to. I tried to
practice what I preach. But for this brief period of time I really wondered if I was falling back
into that scary depression thing. Why? Why would this black night of my soul visit me again,
when I have so much to be grateful for.
Who knows? About all I know for sure is that at the end of this funky period something in me
will have changed. And today, I’m wondering…I’m actually excited about what that change
could be. Hopefully, I’m a bit more tolerant of contentious issues, or if not tolerant, ready to
stand for all I believe in. Maybe I’ve gained a greater understanding of myself and the world
around me. Just maybe I’ve become a little less hard on myself. It seems I’m always demanding
perfection of myself, rather than being satisfied that I have given my best in any situation.
Or is it because I always want more? Every facet of my being is constantly struggling for more –
education, acceptance, tolerance, dignity, gratitude, health, beauty, money. And on the list goes.
Do we not, as a human race, continually strive to become more than we already are? Is our
community not struggling to become more than it already is?
Maybe the key to change is to accept that we should never be satisfied with the status quo! Hah!
Just maybe this is the way of this crazy world of our. Right? What is it that makes us think that
everything must go our way? What is it that makes change so hard? For me, I believe we are
always changing, every second, every minute of our life, and these funky periods are a reminder
that we need to accept whatever that change is and keep striving for more. Actually, we are
giving birth to something new in our lives. Birthing is hard work. Just ask any parent.
This latest dark night of my soul was another opportunity for me to grow and change. I didn’t
ask for it. I certainly questioned it. Was it the weather, was it some part of my diet that needed
changing, did I need to organize my time better, or was I upset, worried or fretting about
something I had no control over. Lots of questions and no answers…until I accepted that this
funky period was a precursor to change.
As soon as I accepted that something great was in the works, I became excited. Life is never
static. We are continually in a Cycle of Renewal, whether we are considering the weather, a tree,
a community, a business, a career, or a relationship. We move through cycles. Just for today, I
am learning to live and work with this timeless rhythm in a way which will transform me…to be
creative, to be organized, to be healthy, to be accepted, to be enlightened and so on. I accept I
want to be the best I can be at whatever I’m doing. No matter how mundane, or how challenging
the situation, I accept that whatever is happening in my life, it is worthy.
Wow!! Til next time…this is Joan. In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there
lay an invincible summer (Albert Camus)
Joan Brooks makes her home in Wawa, Ontario. Comments are always welcome and can be made through email:
[email protected], telephone 856-0652 or by writing to Box 682, Wawa, On P0S 1K0
Latest posts by Joan Brooks (see all)
- Pathways – On Making Commitments (and breaking them) - July 29, 2005
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- Pathways – A Smile Makes the World a Brighter Place - May 29, 2005